Mystical Solitude

"Loneliness increases the risk of early death."

"Loneliness increases your risk of heart disease."

"The loneliness epidemic is a worse risk than obesity, inactivity, high blood pressure, or poor diet."

I first encountered these startling claims in an introductory psychology course a couple of years ago. My initial reaction was one of skepticism: "Show me the proof," I thought, trying not to worry about whether my love for spending time alone was problematic.

That same year, I was tasked with creating a project for a theatre performance class - a video with an analogy that would express some deep, personal meaning. I chose to explore the concept of solitude through the analogy of race cars on a track. As a single racer on a crowded track, I am hindered by the other racers as I am forced to slow down and navigate carefully to avoid any collisions. When, on the other hand, I am racing alone on my own track, I am free to go full speed, not having to slow down or think about avoiding any obstacles in my way. It’s just me in my own zone, shooting for the moon. My intention was to express the benefits of solitude, which was a profound realization in my life at the time.

My professor, however, didn’t see it that way. My analogy was met with confusion, a low grade, and a “I don’t understand the analogy”. Naturally, I cursed the subjective grading system, knowing there was not much I could do about it (except maybe write a blog post three years later).

This experience, coupled with reflections on times where I'd feel lonely despite being surrounded by friends, and the insights I gained from learning about loneliness in psychology class, prompted me to explore deeper the difference between loneliness and solitude —a distinction that is often misunderstood. This blog post will dive into the difference between loneliness and solitude, outline the benefits of solitude, and explore how one can transform loneliness into solitude.

Loneliness vs. Solitude

Take Clarissa, for example. Clarissa is out on a Saturday night with about eight friends, all of whom she’s known for over a decade. Yet, as she looks around, she can’t shake the feeling of disconnection, wondering why she feels so out of place and lonely despite being surrounded by lifelong friends.

Then there’s Fatimah. Fatimah delights in spending hours alone in her room—reading, creating, working, or just letting her mind wander. One day, she realizes she hasn't gone out with her friends in over two weeks. Her parents start hinting that she needs to "get a life" and worry she might be lonely. But Fatimah doesn’t feel lonely at all; she finds genuine joy in her solitude.

What makes Clarissa lonely and Fatimah not?

The fundamental difference between loneliness and solitude, in my opinion, lies in the way one perceives and mentally frames the experience of being alone. Loneliness, as Clarissa feels, is a negative emotional experience that stems from a perceived lack of meaningful social connection, even when surrounded by others. This sense of disconnection can have serious repercussions on mental and physical health, increasing the risks of conditions like depression, anxiety, and cardiovascular disease. Loneliness triggers stress responses in the body, elevating cortisol levels, and can lead to a vicious cycle of social withdrawal and emotional distress (1).

In contrast, solitude, as Fatimah experiences it, is the state of being alone by choice, often embraced willingly and positively. Solitude offers opportunities for reflection, creativity, and personal growth, fostering inner peace and enhanced self-awareness. Unlike loneliness, solitude is not about the absence of social connections but rather the presence of a deeper connection with oneself. Research suggests that when solitude is chosen and embraced, it can contribute to mental well-being, emotional resilience, and even spiritual development, making it a powerful tool for personal freedom and fulfillment (2, 3).

A quote by May Sarton captures the distinction between solitude and loneliness eloquently — “Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self”. Loneliness is a state where we feel a lack; an empty void where connection, fulfillment, or purpose should be. We look for something external to fill this emptiness. Solitude, on the other hand, is a state of abundance. When we embrace solitude, we have the space to cultivate the richness of our inner world. We have the space to explore and develop our thoughts, emotions, and creativity without external distractions.

In solitude, we are free from the demands and judgements of others, allowing us to engage in deep introspection and self-reflection. This unhurried, uninterrupted time with ourselves enables us to confront our true feelings, understand our desires, and clarify our values. Rather than seeking validation or fulfillment from the outside, we find it within, enriching our sense of self and our understanding of the world around us. This shift in perspective transforms solitude from a mere absence of others into a powerful and fulfilling state of being.

The Benefits of Solitude

Philosophers, artists, and great innovators have long emphasized the merits of solitude, seeing it as the secret ingredient for deep thought, creativity, and self-discovery. Nietzsche said, "the great man is the lightning out of his cloud; he shines out of himself." He believed solitude was crucial for true greatness, giving people the space to rise above society's noise and tap into their core. Then there's Thoreau, who practically turned solitude into an art form during his time at Walden Pond, discovering profound truths about life. Artists like Van Gogh and Georgia O'Keeffe thrived in their solitude, creating masterpieces that wouldn’t have been possible if they were constantly bombarded by the world around them. And let’s not forget innovators like Steve Jobs and Einstein, who often needed to retreat into their own minds to cook up the ideas that changed the world. For these brilliant minds, solitude wasn’t about being lonely—it was the fertile soil where the seeds of inspiration and genius could truly grow.

Even Gen-Zers on TikTok today are jokingly expressing that when they spend prolonged time around others, they need to follow this up with at least a week of solitude to “restore their aura”. And as with all good jokes, some truth lies in there.

I’ve personally experienced this on a deep level, time and time again. When I was younger, all I wanted to do was go out with friends and be around people constantly. Although it was fun, I found that without spending some time alone, I would start to feel a bit lost, lacking a strong sense of self.

Can You Transform Your Loneliness into Solitude?

My earlier statement that the distinction between loneliness and solitude lies in how one perceives the state of being alone, is not to say that it’s your fault you feel lonely. I am merely hoping to offer you a sense of empowerment — the idea that you have the ability to transform loneliness into solitude simply by reframing your experience. Research by Segel-Karpas et al. (2023) supports this, demonstrating that individuals who engage in positive solitude can mitigate the negative emotional impacts of loneliness, particularly depressive symptoms. Segel-Karpas emphasizes that the way we think about and approach our time alone significantly impacts whether that experience will be harmful or beneficial (4).

You know your mind best. Think back to when you’ve let go of a bad habit or adopted a new one—each time, you formed new neural connections that solidified those changes in your life. The good news is that our brains are high in neuroplasticity; you have the ability to rewire your thoughts, behaviours, and mental states. Use this ability to transform loneliness into positive solitude. Here are some actionable tips to guide you:

Shift Your Focus from the Absence of Social Connection to the Potential Benefits of Time Spent Alone: Start by educating yourself on the benefits of solitude. Explore literature on the subject, read blog posts like this one, dive into the philosophies of thinkers who valued solitude, or watch videos that resonate with this theme. Understanding the value of solitude can help you see your alone time as an opportunity rather than a burden.
Create a Supportive Environment: Next, ensure that your surroundings encourage the cultivation of your inner strengths. This might mean setting up a quiet, comfortable space in your home where you can retreat for reflection and creativity. Surround yourself with things that inspire you—whether that’s books, art supplies, or a journal for writing down your thoughts.
Engage in Meaningful Activities: Use your time alone to do things that nourish your soul and stimulate your mind. Whether it’s reading, writing, creating art, or simply taking a walk in nature, choose activities that bring you joy and allow you to explore your inner world. Do something you have always wanted to do, and if you don’t have anything in mind, try experimenting with everything you have ever been even slightly interested in. These activities can transform your alone time into a period of rich, personal fulfillment and self-discovery.
Develop the Necessary Psychological Skills: Practicing mindfulness allows you to stay present and engaged during your alone time. Notice your thoughts and let them flow. This will enable you to become more self-aware, and this self-awareness allows you to control your mind wandering. When you catch yourself thinking, "I’m so lonely," try to shift that thought to something more positive, like, "I’m using this time to grow and connect with myself.” Overtime, as you repeat these words to yourself, it will become subconscious — automatic. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps individuals recognize and change negative thought patterns.
Set Small, Achievable Goals for Your Time Alone: This one has personally helped me tremendously. I track daily habit goals on my Notion and keep a growing list of topics I want to explore during my alone time. Start by setting small, manageable goals for your time alone—maybe it’s dedicating 10 minutes a day to journaling or spending an hour each week on a creative project. These goals give structure to your solitude, helping you focus on the positive aspects of being alone and gradually shifting your mindset. Over time, you’ll start to look forward to these activities as your brain gets rewarded with dopamine from achieving them, turning your solitude into something you actively enjoy.

The beautiful thing is that enriching your sense of self allows you to connect more deeply with those around you. Your interest in others becomes genuine, not just based on how they make you feel or whether they fill a void. You’ll have a clearer sense of the values you seek in people and what you truly want in your life, which empowers you to set boundaries and avoid tolerating things that don’t align with your well-being.

Conclusion

To my theatre performance professor; solitude, like the race car on an empty track, allows us to move forward at our own pace, unhindered by the distractions or obstacles of others. It’s not about isolation but about finding the freedom to explore our thoughts, deepen our self-understanding, and grow without external pressures. When we embrace solitude, we unlock a powerful state where we can truly focus, create, and discover who we are, free from the noise of the outside world. This enriched sense of self allows us to better form genuine connections with people in our lives, as we become more interested in them for who they are, rather than whether they fill the empty void within us.

I’ll leave you with a few quotes on solitude to ponder:

“In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself” — Laurence Sterne.
“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone, and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom, for it is only when he is alone that he is really free”— Arthur Schopenhauer
“When from our better selves we have too long been parted by the hurrying world, and droop. Sick of its business, of its pleasures tired, how gracious, how benign is solitude." — William Wordsworth.
"Your inner voice is the voice of divinity. To hear it, we need to be in solitude, even in crowded places." — A. R. Rahman

Loneliness vs. Solitude

The Benefits of Solitude

Can You Transform Your Loneliness into Solitude?

Conclusion

References